HER HONORABLE SUICIDE NOTES.
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C h r i s t i n a. Age 21ish. Student. Full time sleeping beauty. Part time graphic designer, gamer and ass kicker literally... LOL.
Always plugged into rock, indie electro, dubstep and pop sometimes. Dating a fat lazy bum bum name Jacob Lim.
Lives on black and soya bean. Learning how to walk on killer heels and you.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
oh i forgot to post this! credits to Yaoming! my ex boss in Avant Garden :) he gave me this to watch!
so entertaining but nice too! ENJOY YA!
p/s : moral of this story is to tell you get more toilet paper before you shit. if not, you will be in deep shit trouble. HAHAH!!!
WONDERGIRLS!
* sings - i want nobody nobody but you...
12:52 AM
Friday, October 24, 2008
ive been working at Homeclub as a Graphic Designer for a month-ish already. Working there is actually pretty enjoyable in the sense that i do not encounter much stress however so learning experience aint so much a radical one as ive no one to gain or teach me. even if i did learn. Those were self-taught or learned from mistake made from projects. so far, i havent much encounter haywire duties that will stress me out crazily or in other words, they havent got a project that is like that. haha... but sometimes i think Job need some challenge so we will out do what we always to and strive for the indifferent possibilities. Homeclub designer, as what ive heard from other is in Shanghai now. The time that i'll stress out will be the time when he's back.
so i guess meanwhile, i'll enjoy all that i can or if i can... not in slacktitude but its more on exploring in any form of design that im inspired to do
Anyhow, back to life. ive been bumping into my girls lately, which is something i really get fond of. Miao - i saw her at tpy bus stop as well as bus Lin - After her work when she heading to bugis and im heading to BlueJazz Minhui - at bus stop while im gg to work and she's gg to sch! Chi - Met her up! and many others like my friends!
sometimes, i jus wonder... where the hell have all of us been up too. we seem to be distant as compared to how we were used to be. dammit... i guess what i can conclude is that this is a inevitable cruel fact of growing up, getting our responsible as a young adult catching up to our ass made us busy with ourselves.
life goes on and everything ought and will change. you know what i mean. jus be contented with whatever we are going through, good or bad love it or hate it at the end of the day, i am sure the sun will shine for you.
wahhh.. u mus be thinking that Christina is mad talkin so deep with life. have you forgotten? im mad to begin with! haha...
ive been hanging out alot with my craxy bunch of hockey mates too! Grace, Jojo, Shark and Daps! the last time with full attendance, they made a fool out of Jacob's place for the bbq but it was so fun ! machiam Chalet! ahahaha!
OHOHOH! my family had welcomed a new member in ytd! HIS NAME WAS SPORTY.. which i find it horrible, so i called him HOCKY! den my sis called it MILO den Samual called it WU MING ( NO NAME) ( we cant settle on what name to give him...) can u imagine? like different pple kept callin u with a different names at the same place around the same time? he mus be confused, poorthing. and finally i came up with a brillant named which my sis and i agree one and called it COOKIE! better den my mom! wanna call it Jacob, HAHA!
oh.. HE'S A DOG! Shih Tze breed. not a breed i like but its one of my sis dog's babies and its almost 3 mths old. personally i was actually against the idea of having pet, but since my mom insisted. i cant do anything. moreover, im not the one cleaning it! and as long as it dont come into my room haha!!!
my internet is down again. :( but this time im not really bothered by it because i can be online at work! ahaha... you mus be thinking.. woah.. bloggin while workin... what a snake! NOWAY!
Im at Jacob's place now. he had a sudden fever in camp and came home early. so i came home with him and took care of him. sponge him with ice cold water, covered him with blanket, bring food and water to him, pat him to sleep. Until his fever is down, den i stopped taking care like a real baby. he's a ugly sleeping monster now. drooling all over his pillow sheet and subsequent staggering snores roars so cute... ALRIGHT.. at least to me. haha...
he wrote me an email ytd and it was so sweet of him i love you Jacob! hope you get well soon!
he forgotten about it like again. a sense of insignificant daggered through my heart and make me ponder... it never fails as disappointment consume me into deepen darker thoughts simple as it is, jus remember this day and celebrate it with a greet to me. for me. for us. It was a mark of the day we abide to love each other more than jus friends rejoiced again with words simply to remind ourselves we are going strong, be contented about what we have... or perhaps is so lucky that im with you.
please tell me that isnt too much to ask?
"imprisoned" for a week plus or so upon seeing me, i felt no excitment from you. the mere same old dull face i see the mere same "hi there... only" phrase i heard the mere same old cold touch i got from you.
am i that unpleasing for you? seriously?
sometimes i jus think you were more affectionate with her(s) den me.
every week, the gush of... i cant wait to see him, i want to see him, i love to see him thoughts filled my mind but you?
you seems to carry the "she will be there for me" mindset for awhile now. whenever you are coming out or going in. im always forking out my time jus for you doin nothing much but just be there. this afternoon like usual "i'll be there" day, it suddenly strucked me that "why am i here when i dont seems to be needed and i could have been elsewhere using up my time in better ways" what actually made me thought of this cuz when i am there, i do nothing much or dont seems to be needed
jus like that day, i went all the way down alone to simei as told ate alone, wander alone, wait for ya mom alone reach ya camp and stood there with ya mom for almost 2 hrs and what i got the first thing from you is "you are not forgiven"
not remembering our day wasnt a very pleasing already, and yet this thing you said. know what is "what the hell am i doing here" feeling?
why am i sacrificing so much for someone that i dont think that loves me. seriously, if im not happy, dont feel loved, dont feel missed, dont feel anything that will make me feel important. why the friggin heaven am i still there for you.
do i need to become really bad to you so you could be nice to me?
when i needed someone really bad, where are you? stucked in camp. and i understand totally that it cant be help but why cant you jus be more affectionate with me when we are able to see each other let me feel/know that im not alone
all this unhappiness in me jus made me fear it will become like my previous relationship. the hopelese thought of hanging on for the sake for hanging on a week after week praying it will be better in another week. and all ends in pain when there's no more week to wait for.
sometimes you said you do but why does my heart feels it? instead it felt the other way. and why dont you sound that you do? and why dont you tell me if you do? dont tell me maybe i'm sensitive again, as why no consider that you are insensitive?
you told me you were unexpressive about affections you was expressive before. can you be the same?
do you know how sad a woman can be? you saw her cried painfully before, you ached for her as u cant do anything woman are affectionate people who needs to know they are love. from friends, family, husband or boyfriend no love, they crumbles into emptiness whom seek other ways to feel significant
i know and understand clearly that there's nothing wrong with our relationship. it's evident as there's no hate, no 3rd else i do feel bliss that i've found you, you are with me and you are faithful. but i jus couldnt acccept the fact/feeling that i do not feel love by you. it drives me craxy with my ridiculous thoughts about you... if it carry on... soon i'll have my time and crumble that's when the point i seek elsewhere for significance
i hope that day will never come. please..
2:30 AM
Saturday, October 25, 2008
oh i forgot to post this! credits to Yaoming! my ex boss in Avant Garden :) he gave me this to watch!
so entertaining but nice too! ENJOY YA!
p/s : moral of this story is to tell you get more toilet paper before you shit. if not, you will be in deep shit trouble. HAHAH!!!
WONDERGIRLS!
* sings - i want nobody nobody but you...
12:52 AM
Friday, October 24, 2008
ive been working at Homeclub as a Graphic Designer for a month-ish already. Working there is actually pretty enjoyable in the sense that i do not encounter much stress however so learning experience aint so much a radical one as ive no one to gain or teach me. even if i did learn. Those were self-taught or learned from mistake made from projects. so far, i havent much encounter haywire duties that will stress me out crazily or in other words, they havent got a project that is like that. haha... but sometimes i think Job need some challenge so we will out do what we always to and strive for the indifferent possibilities. Homeclub designer, as what ive heard from other is in Shanghai now. The time that i'll stress out will be the time when he's back.
so i guess meanwhile, i'll enjoy all that i can or if i can... not in slacktitude but its more on exploring in any form of design that im inspired to do
Anyhow, back to life. ive been bumping into my girls lately, which is something i really get fond of. Miao - i saw her at tpy bus stop as well as bus Lin - After her work when she heading to bugis and im heading to BlueJazz Minhui - at bus stop while im gg to work and she's gg to sch! Chi - Met her up! and many others like my friends!
sometimes, i jus wonder... where the hell have all of us been up too. we seem to be distant as compared to how we were used to be. dammit... i guess what i can conclude is that this is a inevitable cruel fact of growing up, getting our responsible as a young adult catching up to our ass made us busy with ourselves.
life goes on and everything ought and will change. you know what i mean. jus be contented with whatever we are going through, good or bad love it or hate it at the end of the day, i am sure the sun will shine for you.
wahhh.. u mus be thinking that Christina is mad talkin so deep with life. have you forgotten? im mad to begin with! haha...
ive been hanging out alot with my craxy bunch of hockey mates too! Grace, Jojo, Shark and Daps! the last time with full attendance, they made a fool out of Jacob's place for the bbq but it was so fun ! machiam Chalet! ahahaha!
OHOHOH! my family had welcomed a new member in ytd! HIS NAME WAS SPORTY.. which i find it horrible, so i called him HOCKY! den my sis called it MILO den Samual called it WU MING ( NO NAME) ( we cant settle on what name to give him...) can u imagine? like different pple kept callin u with a different names at the same place around the same time? he mus be confused, poorthing. and finally i came up with a brillant named which my sis and i agree one and called it COOKIE! better den my mom! wanna call it Jacob, HAHA!
oh.. HE'S A DOG! Shih Tze breed. not a breed i like but its one of my sis dog's babies and its almost 3 mths old. personally i was actually against the idea of having pet, but since my mom insisted. i cant do anything. moreover, im not the one cleaning it! and as long as it dont come into my room haha!!!
my internet is down again. :( but this time im not really bothered by it because i can be online at work! ahaha... you mus be thinking.. woah.. bloggin while workin... what a snake! NOWAY!
Im at Jacob's place now. he had a sudden fever in camp and came home early. so i came home with him and took care of him. sponge him with ice cold water, covered him with blanket, bring food and water to him, pat him to sleep. Until his fever is down, den i stopped taking care like a real baby. he's a ugly sleeping monster now. drooling all over his pillow sheet and subsequent staggering snores roars so cute... ALRIGHT.. at least to me. haha...
he wrote me an email ytd and it was so sweet of him i love you Jacob! hope you get well soon!
he forgotten about it like again. a sense of insignificant daggered through my heart and make me ponder... it never fails as disappointment consume me into deepen darker thoughts simple as it is, jus remember this day and celebrate it with a greet to me. for me. for us. It was a mark of the day we abide to love each other more than jus friends rejoiced again with words simply to remind ourselves we are going strong, be contented about what we have... or perhaps is so lucky that im with you.
please tell me that isnt too much to ask?
"imprisoned" for a week plus or so upon seeing me, i felt no excitment from you. the mere same old dull face i see the mere same "hi there... only" phrase i heard the mere same old cold touch i got from you.
am i that unpleasing for you? seriously?
sometimes i jus think you were more affectionate with her(s) den me.
every week, the gush of... i cant wait to see him, i want to see him, i love to see him thoughts filled my mind but you?
you seems to carry the "she will be there for me" mindset for awhile now. whenever you are coming out or going in. im always forking out my time jus for you doin nothing much but just be there. this afternoon like usual "i'll be there" day, it suddenly strucked me that "why am i here when i dont seems to be needed and i could have been elsewhere using up my time in better ways" what actually made me thought of this cuz when i am there, i do nothing much or dont seems to be needed
jus like that day, i went all the way down alone to simei as told ate alone, wander alone, wait for ya mom alone reach ya camp and stood there with ya mom for almost 2 hrs and what i got the first thing from you is "you are not forgiven"
not remembering our day wasnt a very pleasing already, and yet this thing you said. know what is "what the hell am i doing here" feeling?
why am i sacrificing so much for someone that i dont think that loves me. seriously, if im not happy, dont feel loved, dont feel missed, dont feel anything that will make me feel important. why the friggin heaven am i still there for you.
do i need to become really bad to you so you could be nice to me?
when i needed someone really bad, where are you? stucked in camp. and i understand totally that it cant be help but why cant you jus be more affectionate with me when we are able to see each other let me feel/know that im not alone
all this unhappiness in me jus made me fear it will become like my previous relationship. the hopelese thought of hanging on for the sake for hanging on a week after week praying it will be better in another week. and all ends in pain when there's no more week to wait for.
sometimes you said you do but why does my heart feels it? instead it felt the other way. and why dont you sound that you do? and why dont you tell me if you do? dont tell me maybe i'm sensitive again, as why no consider that you are insensitive?
you told me you were unexpressive about affections you was expressive before. can you be the same?
do you know how sad a woman can be? you saw her cried painfully before, you ached for her as u cant do anything woman are affectionate people who needs to know they are love. from friends, family, husband or boyfriend no love, they crumbles into emptiness whom seek other ways to feel significant
i know and understand clearly that there's nothing wrong with our relationship. it's evident as there's no hate, no 3rd else i do feel bliss that i've found you, you are with me and you are faithful. but i jus couldnt acccept the fact/feeling that i do not feel love by you. it drives me craxy with my ridiculous thoughts about you... if it carry on... soon i'll have my time and crumble that's when the point i seek elsewhere for significance
i hope that day will never come. please..
2:30 AM
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