HER HONORABLE SUICIDE NOTES.

Monday, January 28, 2008

went to phuture turns 12 on sat.
sucha drama mama night.
many of my frens were there...
there were Jocekew (ma homie) Dianiel (my sec folk), my hock posse - Jojo, pradap, shark, mok and edward, my clubbing fren - alan, my design fren Matthew, and others like Suhui (Jojo gf) and Anthony.
there was freeflow of alchohol frm 10 - 11.
it jus made all of them so eager
hence resulting in soaking up too fast and fussed.
after another they poped.
down shots, baileys, vodka, screwdrivers, e33.

i guess i really had too fast and much that night.
thanks to matthew that was there to take care of me.
really apprecaties how he snapped to his fren so he could look after me.

i got knocked out my ever first time after tt slip of wine Anthony gave me.
after which , i seriously dont rmb a thing!
shark told me i was hugging my fren and him
and i jus dont rmb shit.
fuck. hope they dont rmb either.
i dun like hugging guyfrens!
OMG.

i cant believed i did this.
what have i become?
am i still the usual sinister sexist Christina?
am i becoming a party animal?
who am i ?

suddenly i got all so emo-fied and fuged up.
all of the sudden the next and only scene i rmb was i was crying over fyp on mathhew.
cried and it jus feel so comfortable.
hugging him like a pillow and jus kept crying.
shit -felt, nv felt so shitty b4.
and the next moment , he grabbed me and shooked me
in the spur moment, i slapped him
im seriously regretful about wad i did.
i'm seriously sorry, it's all jus that quick f instant.
im maliclious and horrendous.
i know i could get really violent with head granades maybe jus wasnt tt.
maybe it just lies in him.
apologised to him many times but it all ended to no avail.
i guess i jus have to leave it the way it is since ive tried my best apologising.
amendin my wrongs is something what i could only do so far.
others jus lies in him
guilt is consuming me from inside but for him,
this is the ultimate humilation.
:(
dont think he would forgive me.

i made a scene in the toilet with Jocekew
luckily i got her.
i realised only pple i really love dearly could pacify me
esp girls.
guys i would jus refused and shove them away.
thanks kew. :)

anywy horrible night.
seriously horrible.
nv want it again.
i guess my stress side jus came to me when im off-guard and half-gone

all my posse were drunk and went home, as well as kew
left some of us in club
enjoyed a few moments and left.
Matthew sent me home
didnt know he could be so sweet.
thanks again

anywy, jus wanna let it out and make a self- mark here

i felt relieved after reliving my cramped up feelings about work.
pouring out made me a whole better functioning person.
i suddenly felt i was the Christina tt back to work again.
this is my last shot.
i HAVE to do this.

i dont wan to disappoint my close sistas.
Lin, reading ya blog post really get me moving.
Chi and others love u to max as u guys always keep me back to my track.
i dont wanna disappoint my family.
i dont wanna disappoint Nigamky.
i dont wanna disappoint myself.

i HAVE to do this.
let eminem past be my insipration.

7:43 AM

Friday, January 25, 2008

OMG

THESE ARE SOOO DAMN HILARIOUS!

WAHAHAHAA!!!!!!

LOVE IT BABY

8:49 AM

this is rather random.

but i this its randomly funny.

hahaa...

and this, who the hell slps like tt man.
except it i think.
if imma gonna, imma gonna suffer a bloodrush to my head and die. ahaha
its cute la.

and here's some awesome pics.
these furball are jus so adorable.
awww man.
those eyes.
those paws.
those fur.
those innocent cutie looks.
dammit!

you are fat fat round round, jus like me your mother.
-.-

is this the right face to show when i did something wrong ?

now what amigo?
is this corner of the box yours too?
tell me its not and leave me alone.
grrr...

hey, im THE new shoe warmer.
sorry i cant help to let ya shoe shine but do pay me a carrot willya?
ahaha

dont look at me like tt, i swear didnt do it. (yea right)

7:58 AM

Sunday, January 20, 2008

jus came back from sk, chilling out session with my usual hock posse.
heh, it's been so long since we all gathered and hanged out tgt.
really enjoyed my time but i came home alittle early then usual. :(
there was . . .
Me, Grace, Daps, Shark, Jojo and Jojo's gf - Shuhui.

well, for the first time.
i was the one to reached there FIRST.
oh my, cuz usually i'll the one late. ;P
shark came to picked me up there at the mrt. how nice.
and we have to slacked there while waiting for the other buggers to come.
BUGGERS.

hahaha...
afterwhich we had a long wait.
Daps came. after which followed on by Grace
OH MY. i think we waited like a hr plus or more. grrr...
Daps is sick (hope he gets better) hence he wasnt much himself, which means quiet la.
hence i became quite sleepy.
When Grace came, things became less boring and wait,
i forgot, more silly-er
hahaha! but FUN! den i wasnt slpy anymore! :))

on the way to dap's block
the moon tonight was almost a full moon so i cracked a joke on the
" BIG BAD WOLF" ( inner joke )
made everybody laughed so hard. :P
daps went to grab the vodka disco
while waiting we're finding place to chill
like the usual me who love cheap thrills,
we sneaked into the 'no entry' construction study area.
and we stepped on top of each huge table.
Shark started to moonwalke and Grace was trying to learn.
and i stepped down below doin my usual shuffle.
they looked like a total idiot.
HAHAHA. too bad i didnt took any pic. :(

here, comes the funny part.
halfway thru.
Shark shouted

"shit, the bagala saw me!" * hurried get down and panic

den i'm like panic and goes

" RUN RUN RUN HIDE HIDE HIDE ! ! !"

den suddenly i saw a head popped up behind the metal gates.
IT'S PRADAP LAH.
so pradap is the bagala?
i know he's black la. hahaha
i laughed till my stomach cramped up on me.

we drank near the mrt 2nd floor pathway near compass point.
Jojo and Shuhui was with us already.
they are getting sweeter and sweeter.
holding hands infront of us already.
how envious eh?
had really great time bullshitting, playing 5, 10, 15, 20 & other games.

Halfway thru, Grace blurted out

"V day is coming, lets 4 of us celebrate tgt okay anot?"

it made me goes o.0 ?
and made me think

" den my friends how ?"
"eh, 4 of us? den Jojo how... oh stupid me. he's already attached!"
"huh, den me, grace, daps, shark? so weird sia -.- "

thinking it now, most of my friends are attached!
oh wells... i guess it would be that ?

CHI! dont worry. im here WITH YOU!
or we could get dates for ourselves u know?
:P

:) haven had so much laughters in a day already.
really gald to experienced with them again.
seriously hope this friendship last thru out our life happily.

havocs and crazed till 1am
and i have to go home to do work.
( eventually end up not doin anything :( )
Fai came to pick me up. how nice!
and here i am .

short but a fantastic day it was!

Anyway, i bumped into this video.
so sweet yet so depressing at the same time.
i kinda like the video.
it's so real and sweet (yet depressing again!)
some couples are really so kawaii nei.
esp the last one, reminds me of sweet puppy love.

but at 1:16, it really made me goes
"awww, so sad" yet u see her smiling happily looking at 'him'
as if he is still with her. oh my, admirable aspect in life!
i personally felt the funniest couple is at 1:30.
>.< and sweetest is at 1:38!
some lonely pple jus makes me goes 0.o ? :(
but if u see properly, i think there's gays and lesbian couples too.
:S
oh well, enjoy!

Bright Eyes "First Day Of My Life"

This is the first day of my life
Swear I was born right in the doorway
I went out in the rain, suddenly everything changed
They're spreading blankets on the beach
Yours is the first face that I saw
I think I was blind before I met you
Don't know where I am, don't know where I've been
But I know where I want to go

So I thought I'd let you know
That these things take forever, I especially am slow
But I realized how I need you
And I wondered if I could come home

I remember the time you drove all night
Just to meet me in the morning
And I thought it was strange, you said everything changed
You felt as if you'd just woke up

And you said,
"This is the first day of my life
I'm glad I didn't die before I met you
Now I don't care, I could go anywhere with you
And I'd probably be happy"

So if you want to be with me
With these things there's no telling
We'll just have to wait and see
But I'd rather be working for a paycheck
Than waiting to win the lottery

Besides, maybe this time it's different
I mean I really think you like me

4:17 AM

Thursday, January 17, 2008

wassaah homies!

check this bright smile from miss beautiful here.
haha. nvm.
cut short.

I HELL GOT RID OF MA BRACES !
(*EVIL LAUGH - WUAH HUAHUA HUAHUA!)

heh, i took them out ytd after owning them for 2 -3 years.
well, i missed my braces.
weird but i really do.
i dont looked funky without them.
BOOHOOHOO!
well, the first person to check them out is chichi. =D
i mean other then the dentist and the nurse..
DUH! -.-

here's some pics while i was waiting for the procedure.

yea, bored and i like the blurry effect of the reception desk reflection

like usual, my sneaker and dress.
grey is ma love. :D

oh hellow sunshine!
sunshine asleep, no light.

my eye view while im THERE.

after my dental i met up with chi to hit some shopping at chinatown.
went to visit my ex-boss at avantgarden.
there's a new intern there.
kinda cute. ^.^ haha
and the office looks different.
oh man... i miss the place and pple there.
i missed yaoming and his educatonal talks.
i missed Chris lame vibes and his wonderful works.
i missed james squabbling with me and his philosophical talk
anyhow, NONE OF THEM realised i took out ma braces!
:( how sad.

erm... yea, after popping by we headed back home.
mean while in the bus, we took some pics.
well, i noticed tt ive a better smile without those metal particals in my mouth.
check them out.
wide and bright and ting ting ting.
ahahah

chi's looking more and more beautiful man. :D
i looked like a total malay. darn it.

smile baby. smile! :)

so wad do u think?
do i look better with or without them?

i really love this photo. :)
i seriously think we have wonderful smile!
( first time to have this thought)

:)

den around nighttime i realised i was suppose to party w faisal.
oh my. i didnt know was today!
so i hurried change and etc after the chnal 8 show.
ride down to MOS.
( MOS yucks. im a zouker yo )
well, ive no choice as Fai's frens are gg there and im only there to acc.
most of the folks there i dont know at all. so i was pretty --.--
meanwhile waiting for the rest of his frens, we stood one corner drinking and chilling.
like usual the music got me and i shuffled.
haha. meanwhile i noticed this girl beside me but didnt see her face.
after like 45 mins. she turned and stared at me so i looked at her.
!!!!!!
i tot i mistooked her for someone but after like more 10 secs stare.
i know her! but she couldnt recognised me at all.
HAIYO.
she tt realised who i was.
and claimed tt she mistook me as a malay since i was hanging w a bunch of them
( as usual )
haha, stupid huiting.
but it was lucky u bumped into her tt night.
if not i'll be like damn bored with all malays and im the only chinese blending into them.
T.T

well, Fai kept pushing me to drink as well as his friends
i was quite relactant as imma gonna sit bike later ( i dont wan to fall off eh)
and many ppl there i dont know.
so i have to take care of myself.
but still drank a little.

at the dancefloor.
had some fun. spotted one cute guy!
i tot he was mixed but in the end he was a indian muslim.
well, at least he's cute.
too bad he didnt took my number. ahaha
or i shld have?
i haven had so much fun about geting new guy's number or they getting mine.
wait. ive nv get numbers from guys b4.
;p

here's with huiting in the toilet.
she's tipsy already.
and im jus tired and thirsty from all the jumping and shuffling.

i was wearing sporty grange tt night
:)

c-walked in hiphop smoove
shuffled in areana.
I REALISED I SUCK AT DANCING TO TRANCE.
hahaha. but the indian muslim guy is awesome.
DAMN. I SHLD HAVE GET HIS NUMBER!
:(

hahaha. nvm.
i think v-day is round the corner hence im having some syndrome.
baahs. shithead!

im like 20 this year and nv had a v-day before.
had it once with ben but i was busy rushing proj with Sam?
so not considered? hais.
wth. -.-
clubbed till the end of it.

i was soooo looking forward to see the guy again but i cant find him anywhere!
SO SAD!

dont be like so surprise why m i like gg gaga over other race boys.
i always have a fetish over darker boys
;P and not forgetting if they look cute and man.
HEH *evil devil icon

i felt seriously weird and left out hanging out with a bunch of malays.
they were speaking in malays which made me clueless and oh so not interested and BORED.
they like dont bother me much except some guys.
quite irritating to listen to them talking to each other while i sit there like a kayu.
:( i dont like it at all.
and at the moment it reminded me of Grace, as she used to complained to me her own experience.
now i like felt the same exact way she felt it.
seriously, not nice eh?

grrr..
ate breakfast at Mac and headed home.
i'm damn slpy while on the bike man.
cool and chilling ride.
damn shiok to slp.

imma not gonna party anymore till fyp is over.

THAT's THAT

DAMN GIRL!

10:58 PM

Thursday, January 10, 2008

see if u can spot my lips mark.
try harder eh? :P

oh i forgot.
thou its like friggin late, but i jus wanna post cuz seriously i enjoyed this day.
so i wanna make a mark of it.
it's about 2007 x'mas that's WOOHOOHOOO.
powerful.
on tt particular day, i was seriously very very VERY happy.
i got tgt with all my close homies tt ive loved for the past few many many years.
i loved them all.
:) CHI AND KEW , U DIDNT COME. basket.
hahaha, had a inhouse party.
Themed : old school and retro.
so i wore old school. most of old school peeps wore school U.
so im like the TEACHER.
ahahhaa, stupid kee said tt i look like a pornstar.
wtf. where got pornstar so innocent and cute one. >.<

ate steamboat with them, even had log cake and wine/champange this year.
paste year we've been tgt and non of that cuz we are busy hogging thru the crowd in town.
this year is exceptional.
least sweat but more fun.
lovable party it was.
:) thanks Lin for ya hardwork for this party.
loves u !

do they look alike? they should! they are sistas!
and thanks to them as our organiser! :)

Well, before we can enter. we have to leave our 'love' marks. and Here's DARREN!

AHAHA... i posted him cuz it is unlikely for him to see this, hence my head spared. heh!

they said i also look like M.Jackson tt night too. do i ? *frowns
moo and moonwalker yo.

here THE old school rockers yo.

so u need some proper education?

i love this random shot. haha. :)
check out kee's expression.

priceless. ahaha!

oh, another random shot. in this pic, i looked kinda tall in comparison with yan.
FAT HOPE LAH CHRISTINA HUH . :(

heh. the retro folks. :) awesome.
bring back the moves pple.

seriously looking at them, i felt i was 15 again.
FAT HOPE AGAIN LUH HUH CHRISTINA :(

my baby cat and lilin!
so cute eh :)

haha kiwi, darren and me!
Kiwi is like my 'fav' fruit and Darren is seriously like my bugger! :)
yes and my bugger is smoking like usual.

tt's all my student.
END OF CLASS!
YAY
:P

6:34 AM

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

it's kinda late but however betta den nth.
year 2k7 is gone forever and here's 2k8 yo.

well, seriously 2k7 is seems so short to me.
like da breakup, misery, struggle, singlehood, havoc, friends, loves, fun, hockey, clubbing, sleepless nights, alcoholic days, laziness, projects, hardworks, creative processs.
all jus sumed up in the year 2k7.
guessed 2k8 would pretty much more or less the same however not some factor thou.

lets strived to a better year 2k8 ahead folks.
in ma life's principle
i think the most important thing in life is being HAPPY.
really, happiness is the key to all ya key to positive lifestyle.
with positive attitude, no one or nothing could beat u down.

"And in the end it's not the years in your life that count.

It's the life in your years." - Abraham Lincoln

Tryna beat tt pple? it's unbeatable yo.

Anyway, im gg to graduate soon and stepping into the dog eat dog world.
to be truthful, i must really admit im afraid of tt society.
yes, the ALL MIGHTY CHRISTINA IS AFRAID OF THE MALICE WORKING WORLD.
hais wad to do, this is inevitable unless i have lotsa money or a hubby to dote me.
haha... marraige is definately outta my choice.
im not selling off my freedom so fast yet as

im like the wind;
loved being me,
loved being free,
loved being wild.

NEW YEAR EVE.

i mus admit i didnt really had a wonderful end of 2k7 year.
Experienced it with Lin, Lest, Miao, Derrick, Chichi, Shartik, Pradap and Corny.
many of my babes are attached so hence Me and Chi felt lonesome.
PHEW. luckily we aint the lonesome ones, there was shark and daps too.
hence 2 + 2 = 4 lonesomes.
hahaha...

It's been a total madness of crowds and due to some miscommunications.
We ended up on the streets enjoying crowds spray galores and fireworks suspense.

WELL, TT STUPID BUILDING.
BLOCKED OUR VIEW.
made us ran or perharps, made me ran like a lunatic.
i took out my heels and ran after the colour blast.
well, im not Jennifer Lopez.
i cant run or do wukong in heels.
After the fireworks, we ended up nowhere to party and left wandering around town.
sad isnt it. not really.

Left me, Chichi, Shark and Daps.

Others went to party or wadeva i do not bother much as i was having too much to handle or entertained.

Anywy, bought beers and play some games by the river.
This is where the part is pretty awesome.
it pretty much made my day.
chilling out under the skies of stars in midst of urban skyscraper,

surrounded with souls beholding for a new world.

chatted our hearts out and played " 5 , 10 , 15, 20 " hand games
Shark ended the one drinking the most, lousy gamer.
Im the 2nd, Chi 's 3rd and Dap's 4th.
oh well, till 2am.
Ma homie havta leave so left us.
I was already abit above ma roof.
but still conscience. wahaha
Walked to find Qi and double O,

wanna go in but it was frigging ex.
$30 for girl, $40 for guy.
siao sia. den we decided to slack instead.
Corny came outta cheekies to met us up for awhile, he was so wasted.
he even beat me and bite shark.
wth..

we tonned till morning eat breakfast at chinatown and maxwell and went home.
oh man.

1:18 AM